You are a capable woman. You have done hard things. You have achieved things that you didnt think were possible. You have overcome obstacles. You stood strong, when others around you would have collapsed under the same weight.
When it came to motherhood, you knew it would be challenging. You heard the stories about the pain of labor and delivery. You read books about the risks, and you felt prepared. A little nervous maybe, but you knew you could do it. You may have always thought you would be a good mom or deep down you may have worried that you may not measure up, but ultimately, you knew that generations of women before you have become mothers, and it worked out for them - how hard could it really be? Right?!
So you made it through the 9 months of pregnancy, the labor and delivery, and your precious baby arrived. Literally overnight, your life changed in ways you couldn't have possibly imagined. Your body, as you once knew it, was no longer the same. It no longer belonged to you. It now had an entity attached to it that needed every ounce of your being, every second of every day. And yet, the things around you stayed the same. You still have to clean the house, do the laundry, feed yourself, your baby, and anyone else who depends on you.
But why was it now so difficult, impossible even, to do things that you used to do with your eyes closed? You have been tired before, but this is a different level of exhaustion...utter depletion. You feel like you are operating with a fraction of the brain cells, your memory is non-existent, your emotions are all over the place, and the strangest part of it all, you no longer recognize yourself. Being in your body, the place you have inhabited for your entire life, feels foreign. You feel like a stranger in your own body.
What nobody told you is that becoming a mom is the most transformative experience a human being can go through. Matrescence, the process of becoming a mother, has a profound impact on your entire being - physically, hormonally, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, and socially. They may have attempted to prepare you physically, but somehow forgot the mental and emotional support.
What nobody told you is that you can love your baby completely and still grieve the woman you used to be.
That you can want to be a good mom and also fantasize about getting in your car and driving somewhere alone and quiet.
That the person you share a bed with can start to feel like a stranger.
That resentment can build quietly, for months, before it has a name.
That the anxiety that wakes you up at 3am is not just "new-mom nerves", it is your nervous system under genuine strain.
That the brain fog and the rage and the tearfulness and the identity confusion are not an abnormal part of this process, but it is the normal response to the biological changes you are undergoing, exacerbated by lack of support and resources.
Even if you have a supportive community, the level of help that you actually need isn't available either because its too expensive, inaccessible or because you're afraid of what it would say about you as a person. You stop yourself from asking for help because of the shame that comes along with it. Asking for help feels like you're saying that you're no longer that capable, strong, woman who used to be able to handle any and everything that came her way. Asking for help feels like you're not cut out for this motherhood thing. Asking for help feels like you're not good enough, not as a mom or as a woman. We're literally built for this after all, and if so many other women can do it and seemingly kill it, why can't you?
Although these are thoughts that you may have wrestled with, it is important to know that postpartum anxiety, depression, doubt, and fear is LOUD during this process, but that doesn't make it true. When your mental health is compromised, even though you may know those beliefs aren't entirely true, it feels as if they are and your behavior follows suit. Your relationships are compromised and the most important person (you) receives the worst of it.
Given all of this, you have likely considered traditional individual therapy, but those thoughts may pop up and convince you that "its not that bad". Because your plate is beyond full, you may have struggled to commit to a weekly schedule due to the unpredictable nature of your baby's needs, which then gobbles up any "self-care time" with work, household duties, and other commitments.
If you are ready for change and need options that work for you instead of making you feel more guilty or stressed, then you have found the missing piece to your postpartum recovery journey. The Momma Collective is designed to bridge this gap in the mental health field by creating an asynchronous, self-paced course with tools and education that will help you navigate this transformative experience, while giving you community and access to support when you need it. Momma Collective has guided meditations to help you reset and regulate when you're overwhelmed, journal prompts to help you gain insight and challenge negative beliefs that are neither helpful nor true, and education presented in simple terms that helps you make meaning and gain understanding of what you're experiencing. We love babies, but this space is all about you. We care about your holistic health. We dont judge you for being human and we dont blame you for responding adversely to circumstances that were just not designed for you thrive.